I’m standing in a place that feels eerily and spookily quiet. It’s so still, like being in the eye of a storm with madness raging around me.
I’m feeling quite alone as one of those people with the underlying health conditions that put us at risk of serious complications and death if we contract coronavirus/COVID-19.
I’ve seen very few posts from someone talking about how it feels to be in the risk categories – and I’ve been consuming far too much social media this past week, I can tell you. It feels isolating to hear only of everyone so frustrated with the inconvenience, the toilet roll stockpiling, the annoyance of self-isolation and cancelled trips.
Six weeks on from a coronary heart disease diagnosis, I was coming to terms with it in a robust and positive way – scared at first, but growing in peace as I focused on what I could do, mobilising my knowledge, awareness and experience to assemble my kick-ass self-care routine from diet and exercise, as little medication as possible, to daily meditation, tapping, sound therapy and so much more.
And then the penny dropped as I drove home one evening, just over a week ago, listening to a Radio 4 news programme focusing on coronavirus. I was one of those people with one of those ‘underlying health conditions’ that were so skimmed over by the press coverage. I myself felt skimmed over and minimised.
For those of you who don’t know, those underlying health conditions include heart diseases, lung diseases, diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, being immunocompromised, blood disorders, liver disease, kidney disease and more.
There are so many millions of people who have a risk far greater than experiencing mild flu symptoms if they get the coronavirus. In the UK alone, 7.4 million people have heart disease, 4.7 million have diabetes, over 14 million have high blood pressure.
I woke up early this morning with the words of this blog post burning in my brain. I’m not sure what I hope to achieve other than to be heard, just a little bit more. As someone who has a very different perspective on this current public health storm. As one of very many who have this very different perspective.
There’s so much talk right now on social media about staying positive, having a high vibe all the time. A lot of that has felt minimising of my issues, and I know that it’s my work to deal with my reactions to that approach. Those people are writing to try to help the majority of people deal with their issues around a pandemic, many of which are very different issues to mine. It’s not about keeping a high vibe all the time – it’s about working your way back up to it, again and again, when something knocks you down.
I’m so grateful for the fear and anger that arises for me as I come to terms with what is, and grateful for this amazing opportunity for my own personal growth which I’ve been handed. I’m learning to walk along with my fear in an even deeper way. Not pushing it down, but letting it move through me. And as I do, the fear does move through me, and then it subsides, and it leaves.
It’s not easy. It is SO not easy. But it gets easier. I get better at doing the work of allowing, accepting, surrendering. Letting it be. It is changing me, strengthening me, softening me. Building my resilience, my compassion, my love.
Because that’s what it all comes down to, isn’t it, in the end – and in the beginning and the middle, too? It’s all about love. It all IS love. That is all there is to life – love.
So whoever you are, however this COVID-19 thing is affecting your life, let yourself feel what you feel.
Share your feelings, cry, laugh, be afraid, grow stronger, be alive.
Be sharing, accepting, compassionate, kind.
Be kind above all else.
And even above that, be love.
Just. Be. Love.
Lots of love,